in which the post means nothing to anyone but me

watching "back to the future 2." Means nothing to anyone but me.

Why should it mean something to me?

because of something that happened to me in 1993. I got lost years earlier. No matter how strong or found I thought I was, I was still lost.

Lost in what? Lost in myself, lost in denial, living my life getting strength through others. That was wrong.

I shoulda been living life through myself. Looking back I can clearly see I did not need anyone. I was strong enough to do it on my own.

Then I took a trip to memphis to the HD drags. It was the first long distance trip I had taken on my own in many years. I remember getting that motel room. "back to the future 2" was on the tv. I had never seen it before. I coulda hung with a guy I had met but I walked away and got my own room. I didn't need some guy to be happy.

I could be alone and be happy. It was a first.

I've often thought of that day and knew something significant happened to me, but I wasn't exactly sure what I had been.

Now I know. And I still feel that rush when I see that movie. I love that feeling. It's so liberating.

There have been times since that day in 1993 that maybe I shoulda watched that movie.