Why I'm here blogging.

I have a few blogs but my customers can read them. I want to be able to write how I feel and what's going on without worrying about it reflecting back on my professional life. I had enough of that shit in the last year! I mean there are thousands of blogs on here, what's the chances are anyone I know reading this?
As the year winds down, it's been an insane year. Jay's cancer - dealing with that, my friendship with that horrible player creature (it would be an insult to scumbag men to call him a scumbag man,) the way that friendship affected my business and my reputation among my peers and the way I dealt with that specific program (very serious thoughts of suicide), the way the stress it created affected my health ( have to make a dr appointment - I'm scared the stress has made me sick), and now dealing with the fallout.
Jay's health is good for now. I still need to work with him to make our marriage better. I love him very much. My best guy friend moved here then moved back. I just want him and his family to move here and stay. We need them and they need us.
I'm really scared that the stress from this past summer has hurt me. I have to see my dr this week. So more stress. On the good side, Jay is doing better after the seizure. I think of how hopeless and down on myself I was back in July. I truly didn't care if I lived or died. Libby didn't make things easy. She was pretty rough on me and I guess I deserved it but between her and Mia, I really let those two get to me, to the point that the only reason I didn't bump myself off was that I had to take of Jay. Plus the never being a mom thing was really smashing down on me. Add the bullshit from last year and all the damage it did, it was all more than I could take. I broke. I pray I am repairable.
I am seeing life differently. Like something as simple as having a fire in the fireplace. I haven't had a fire in the fireplace in a few years. But I've built a few in the past weeks.



I'm happy with the work I've been doing. Some real good stuff and some killer good ideas. I need to get serious with my journalism. I have about 6 articles due. I'm really happy that I'm getting a new book contract. And it will be very awesome once those 2 royalty checks arrive. Money isn't real tight, but I'm not really rolling but things are getting better. I just need to keep going the way I am.
Maybe it's the season. Fall always affects me. I want to redo my bathroom. Hell I've lived in this house for 10 years and my bathroom has always been nasty. I just know I love life.
Ok, my legs have had enough. Got to get horizontal.